Divorce is a difficult thing for anyone to deal with. It can be very hard on a person emotionally and physically as well. This is especially true for children. They have to have the proper help during this difficult time. They need to know and understand that it is not their fault and that both parents still love them very much. To help kids through this hard time parents have to put aside their anger and resentment so they can sit down and make an arrangement that will be suitable to them and to the children. This is easier and less painful than having to go to court to have them decide your family’s outcome.
You should never keep the divorce a secret from the children. Communication at this time is extremely important. You need to tell them when you make your decision and explain, in a way they understand, what is going to happen. Try to give them notice before one parent moves out so that the child can have the time to deal with it and ask questions. Reassure the child that both parents are still going to be there for them and that nothing has changed in that sense.
Do not put blame on anyone when you are talking to your children. Do not put down the other parent in any way. It is important that the children know that they still have two dependable and trustworthy parents to take care of them. Let them know that it was a mutual decision and that you both did your best to avoid this ending.
Avoid giving your children false hope by making it clear that you are not going to be able to get back together. Tell them that it is not their fault but there isn’t anything they can do to help you stay together. This is important so they don’t feel any pressure to work things out for you. Also make it clear to them where they are going to live and that they can see the other parent any time they want to. You can tell them that there may be some changes in that later on, but it is not going to affect their relationship. Give them the opportunity to ask you any questions that they may have for you both.
Giving the child the right information but not too much information is important. You do not want them to feel anxious or worry about anything that is not their concern. They have to feel comfortable with the news that you told them and give them some time to adjust to the idea. Always make your child feel important and loved. Caring for them may also help you get through this difficult time.
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